He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
