and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
