I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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