a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
