She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
