she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring