The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.