11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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