she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your penis caused this!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
