First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
