We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
