That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
