pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
