I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
