I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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