so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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