I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
