it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
