she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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