I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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