He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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