Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
