if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize