I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
