I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How's work?
Spinning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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