The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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