I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
