Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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