i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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