Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He passed out mid-signature
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
