he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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