it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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