Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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