fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
