$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
