she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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