Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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