he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
