I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
