Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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