Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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