on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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