it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
