I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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