I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.