you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
