There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
