I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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