She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
