I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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