This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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