as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He passed out mid-signature
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
