got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
