it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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