9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
