He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
