The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
