She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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