when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
