You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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