I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
