my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
