you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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