We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How's work?
Spinning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
